Parenting - a balancing act

Today morning, the second last day of November, was a cold and frosty morning. Dressed in warm clothing and supplemented by a warm cap, I went to drop my daughter to school. She did not want to wear any coat saying that she does not get cold in school. I tried to persuade her to carry a coat but despite my attempts she flatly declined to take anything with her.

And there lies a dilemma that I sometimes encounter. Where do I draw the line in parenting? I know she should dress warmly, and that prevention is better than cure. But if she does not want to do so, despite knowing the advantages and disadvantages, shouldn’t she have the final say for herself?

Parenting, I have realized, is a balancing act.

We need to try and ensure that we protect our child and take care of them. On the other hand we also need for them to be able to experiment with life, to face challenges and to grow from them. If we always impose our will on them, where is the scope for them to grow and learn?

When my daughter was about 10 months old, she attempted to walk. Wobbly and uncertain, she took little steps – and I was there constantly trying to move aside anything that may hurt her. I watched her walk, laughed as her little steps reached the destination. I watched – with my heart in my mouth - as she fell, time and again – and each time she would get up and try again. And she would eventually succeed.

And what joy there was for us all.

We cannot walk for our children but we try and create a safe environment for them to learn, for them to make mistakes and to fall till they succeed eventually.

It has been said that “It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.”

And an important learning, for me, is that it is necessary for children to learn through their own experiences. Let them sometimes face some difficulties and challenges. Let us not always try and ascertain what is right and wrong for them. For it is through challenging experiences, that they most often learn the bigger lessons of life.

My little girl returned from school today. It was cold, she said. Henceforth she would wear her coat to school.

Sometimes they only just need to experience the cold themselves.

As good as it gets

With the advent of every new year, I have the greatest of hopes – that life will get better and things will get easier. That relationships will become more meaningful and that I will be happier. Lots of hopes and aspirations – in the future.

But recently when I reflected on this, I realized that every year I am also growing older. Every year my parents are getting more frail. The children are growing up and will one day start their own lives – separate lives.

   And while that brings in hopes for more joy, there is also a feeling of sadness in that.

And who know where I will be tomorrow? What kind of things will come my way? Will I even be there to enjoy it?

I am forever looking to the future. Or at greener pastures. That I sometimes forget to really look at the present.

That maybe this is when my life is truly at its best. That things are the easiest. That my relationships are truly meaningful.

                                         Maybe this really is as good as it gets.

Breaking Bricks

If you are willing to look around and reflect on life’s lessons, you will find that there are lessons for learning everywhere. You can find it in your interactions with people, in your observations of nature and in everything that is happening around you at all times. 

Interestingly, you can even find it in the games on your phone.

Waiting outside the dentist’s chamber can be quite an ordeal. I sat there this morning, overwhelmed by the large number of people who were waiting patiently (and impatiently) around me, and feeling slightly apprehensive about what would invariably happen once I got to the dentist chair.

So to ease my mind and to pass the time, I took out my phone to play a game. The only game that is there on my phone is the Brick Breaker. I don’t know if you have ever tried it but it is quite an addictive game. Basically there is a wall of bricks on the top of the screen which the player must smash by deflecting a bouncing ball with a paddle. The player can move the paddle around horizontally to keep the ball on the screen and to aim at the bricks above.

The idea is to destroy all the bricks and advance onto a new level. At times when you hit certain bricks there are special points that shower down and if you can catch it you get certain benefits like an extra life, or more bouncing balls etc. While the latter is good (it helps to destroy many more bricks all at once), it also results in a chaotic situation. I found that by trying to save all the balls, one ends up missing all the others and before one knows it, there are none left on the screen and one life is lost.

This happened a few times before I came to the realization that it was far better to have one ball on the screen and to slowly (and with precision) target all the bricks one by one, rather than to juggle too many balls at once, lose focus and ultimately lose a life.

So, not surprisingly, the lesson I took from the dentist’s chamber this morning was not only that one should not indulge in eating too many sweets but that:  It is better to focus on one thing at a time and do it well rather than focus on many things and have little to show for it in the end.

For Today

This morning as I was driving to work, I looked up and suddenly saw the mountains. They were all around me – gentle sloping hills that rose to greet the clear blue sky. Ancient and sturdy, they had been here all the while but somewhere along the way I did not see them. 

I looked around and saw soft cotton-like clouds that dotted the sky and lime green willow trees and pink peach blossoms lining the streets. Where had I been all this while? When did winter blossom into spring?

Thinking about it, I realize that often times we are not a part of the present moment. Every moment we are either living in the past or in the future. We are thinking of what we should have done and having regrets of the past or we are worrying about the future – about what could happen and what should be done.

And before we know it, this Present moment which was spent worrying or planning has become a part of the Past and we are already in the Future – and we are not sure where the Present moment actually went.

Minutes go into hours, days into months and our time is going by fast – and all the while our present is lost.

So I say to myself – forget about the yesterdays, forget about the tommorows – think only of Today and of what I can do to make it worthwhile and memorable.

So for Today I will take deep breaths – and let the clear mountain air flow into my body giving me energy and hope. I will breathe out slowly and release all the tension and negative energy.  I will enjoy the companionship of my friends and family. I will try and bring smiles to the people around me. I will try to make a difference (even if it is small one) to at least one person. I will give thanks for all the blessings in my life. 

I will look around and see the gifts of nature. I will see the mountains and the clouds, smell the fragrance of the flowers and taste the freshness of the mountain water. 

For Today, I will live my life meaningfully.